Dating a man or woman who has been single for a lengthy period presents unique challenges in the dating world – but the need to understand the reasons why the problems exist can also help solve them – and establish a long term relationship that is unique satisfying.
we spoke with long term relationship expert Rosie Bowie, principal matchmaker with Matchcompany.co.nz a New Zealand professional dating and relationship agency that has been putting couples together for almost 20 years.
Mrs Bowie explained some of the motivations behind those who appear to shun another relationship and appear satisfied with being simply single.
1. Building Walls
Many appear to build walls around themselves and for very good reason. They have been hurt in some manner or other and accordingly seek protection. Removing the walls can be a time-consuming, if ultimately rewarding business but is something the dating partner needs to be aware of and to exercise patience in removing.
2. Appearing Independent
The long-time single man or woman will necessarily build their independence, even if that is something of an artifice. The requirement for independence is partly a pure survival mechanism, but it will often take some effort to also deal with.
It is not a question of removing or breaking down independence, after all there is nothing inherently wrong with being independent, quite the reverse, but dealing with it as a person dating an independent person is something you will need to be aware of and to deal with.
3. Appearing Less Than Interested
The result of the independence and wall building by long-term singles is that they will frequently appear to be less interested in dating or in you, quite simply. That is by no means necessarily the case, but in their attempts to shield themselves from further hurt or let-down they will put up a certain disinterested demeanor. Don’t let it put you off (but equally don’t be some pushy type who is failing to take very obvious hints).
If you feel genuinely that you have a potential partner who is interested in you but who is not necessarily sending out the signals you expect or hope for then – once again – be patient and self-aware. Use all your EQ to determine whether you are onto a potential long term relationship or whether you are being told to ‘go’.
4. Building Trust
Establishing trust is one of the key weigh points in building a relationship that is permanent rather than merely dating. You need to establish trust by doing all the big and small things that show your partner that you are truly the one for him or her.
This will take another dose of EQ to determine what you know will create the often broken trust that your potential partner is suffering from. Be very aware of the importance of trust-building as a cornerstone to building a permanent relationship.
5. Restoring Vulnerability
Vulnerability and the need to embrace the chance of love, which necessitates a risk in terms of being let down or hurt, is very much a central part of being in a relationship, says Mrs Bowie. “The vulnerability means you have committed to the possibility of being in a relationship that you care about. While the risk exists that you will be hurt, the greater benefit is that you have the chance to enter a relationship that will survive and thrive.”
Matchcompany is New Zealand’s longest-established professional dating and relationship agency based upon providing professional men and women seeking long term relationships with the ability to avoid the risks and time involved with online dating by engaging a professional matchmaker to assist in finding a professional man or woman for a relationship. Matchcompany welcomes enquiries from professional men or women seeking long term relationships – email: [email protected]