Despite a recent fall in the divorce rate in the US (as below), the fact is many divorces continue to take their toll on the families involved. Intriguingly, perhaps, the pandemic was expected to create a surge in divorces but it seems to have brought many couples together and assisted in the overall reduction of the divorce rate according to official surveys and reports.
In fact, divorce statistics in the US show a decline in recent years, as the details (below) demonstrate. The rate has been falling to a record low reached in 2019, with almost 15 out of every 1000 marriages ending in divorce according to the American Community Survey data from the Census Bureau. The previous date when this level was reached was in 1970.
There are matters beyond our control however and a divorce will occur for any number of reasons, requiring appropriate assistance to navigate the difficult path through a marriage breakup and the way forward that will best permit the parties to handle the difficulties.
There are also various resources and techniques available to handle the pain of divorce, our first ‘hurt point’. But one of the most important is to realize that no-one needs to go through the divorce journey alone, despite the fact that parties are separating. The emotional roller coaster of divorce is one that can take its toll but is also one that requires the utmost care and attention towards yourself, your children and others.
There are support groups, family members and friends who can help you work through the process and they should not be ignored as the divorce process is entered and worked through.
People go through pain when they separate from each other. That’s normal since we are emotional; the same reason why we laugh or cry. There’s no good explanation for how people get hurt. It all depends on what they’re into and how much.
On the other hand, it is important to keep going to avoid getting depressed, which many people do for a considerable time following the divorce. Pain is normal, but there are ways to get through it so that it does not take an overdue toll . It’s a good way to change one’s mindset from a painful past to a fresh start by reassessing things that could have been done and doing them now that there’s a chance.
Ensure that you are self monitoring so that you are not permitting the process to grind you down and thus affect your ability to deal properly with the important issues you’re needing to deal with – physically, mentally, legally (which is where a good divorce lawyer is obviously another essential).
Depression is one of the hardest things to deal with because of denial after divorce. When individuals divorce, it can depress them, and people often blame themselves or dwell on their pasts. They believe that it’s not over and that things will change. There are things you have no control over, so each party should respect the other’s differences.
It’s hard to accept that the person you’ve loved so much is gone, but this isn’t the end of the world. Once you realize that everything has a purpose, you will accept what has happened.
It is also hard to get through denial, but you can reach acceptance by looking at things from a different angle.
Acceptance is the final stage of separation. Once you’ve accepted your faults and figured out what you deserve, you’re free from anxiety and heartaches that can accompany yourself. It is important to be able to move to the acceptance stage so that you can progress your own life and for the betterment of your career, children and other key life factors.
Memories always remain, yet as soon as you figure out there are lessons to support you, you can start fresh and regain your self-esteem. It’s never too late to work on your life once you’ve opened up to reality.
Women and Divorce
As a law firm specializing in assisting women and looking at the research in this area it is evident that women on average experience a 15-30 per cent decline in their income after separation and the experience is one that requires equal attention to dealing with the process, as this article illustrates. This income drop has been a major problem for divorcing women and is not shared by the men, who may actually experience a 10-15 per cent increase in their income.
Since children usually live with their mother after the break-up, this economic disparity not only affects the suddenly single mom but also the children. More than 40% of women are not awarded child support. Only about half of the women awarded support get the full amount from their ex-husbands. Sometimes you have to sell the family house, adding the stress of a move to the trauma of divorce.
Economic instability is a constant source of anxiety as you try to rebuild your life. Usually when a couple breaks up there just isn’t enough money in the marriage pot for two separate lives and that fact alone means that there is a need to carefully ensure that all legal and financial factors are dealt with both expeditiously and professionally.
Dealing with Divorce
Everyone deals with grief and loss differently and at a different pace. Most people move on after a divorce or ended relationship within 2-3 years according to the statistics, but you need to ensure that you are keeping a routine and an ability to maintain your good physical and mental health.
Similarly, maintaining a good relationship with children is of the utmost importance and simply taking time to ensure you indulge in your own interests and well being in order to come through the divorce process as intact as possible.
Law Firm of Victoria, MI. Jenny Byrne is a freelance writer who writes on legal and social issues and has based much of this material on information from the Law Firm of Victoria and upon publicly available information on divorce in the United States.