Ella Daniels – Dating lawyers is not something to be done lightly for more reasons than any of us might think, but we recently came across an article in law jobs site LawCrossings that caught our eye.
The problem is that of the 11 tips, only four – five at most – made any real sense to us.
It provided the 11 top tips on dating lawyers, apparently based on expert interviews from those who know about such matters, including lawyers.
But work out which of the tips are those that you could live by and which are simply giving in to someone whose yet to get his or her around having a workable relationship.
The 11 ‘Lawyer Dating’ Tips You Need to Know
1. Raise Your Awareness – aka ‘Get Used to It’
If you go in with a high level of awareness and can keep adjusting how you deal with the pressures, you’ll manage better in the end.
Law is a high pressure business, so get ready for the pressures it will bring if you’re about to embark on a legal career. As if we didn’t know.
Dating lawyers means raising your level of awareness of this simple fact, so wake up and smell the stress. This is a pressure business and lawyer dating requires that you know that fact. Case closed.
2. Admire – aka ‘Leave ’em to it
An odd one really, but here the suggestion is that lawyers earn big money doing a hard job and “sometimes you just have to leave them alone and let them get on to it.”
We’re not sure if that’s a tip exactly, or just an observation on a tough-ass job. Either way, the whole lawyer dating scene depends on giving them enough rope – not to hang themselves, but to deal with the job they have to do.
3. Get a Life – aka ‘Find other things to do’
Lawyer dating requires some commitment, but it also involves having the ability to also do ‘other things’, showing you are a well rounded person who has the ability to think, work and play outside the square. Lawyers like that – even dating lawyers.
Well, we don’t know what sort of commitment that is to making the relationship work, but hobbies are generally good and having what they call “structured activities” are also good so long as the relationship is structured properly as well.
Bonus Tip:
Cosmopolitan
We like hard facts
So if you think there’s a chance in hell we’re one of those people you can just float along ‘seeing’ for months and months, then think again. We want an actual relationship status and an anniversary date for the diary. Minimum.
4. Get a Dog – aka ‘Find a real friend’
Look, we love dogs, but when you’re looking to build a relationship with someone, why are you also buying a dog, unless it’s a way to meet people and have them admire your cuddly four-legged friend when you’re really intent on cuddling your two-legged one.
5. Keep Your Own Company – aka ‘Only the Lonely’
“Be confident doing things alone -eating, shopping, catching a movie.”
Well, it’s getting depressing now because the tips all relate to being alone, or walking your new dog. And loneliness was not part of the deal, even if you do have a wealthy lawyer in a so-called relationship.
6. Set Ground Rules – aka ‘Division of Labor’
A heavy workload doesn’t absolve your loved one of all responsibilities . . Divide chores, and even stick a chart on the fridge detailing who does what -dorky, yes, but effective.
Work out a statement of expectations that each person can set priorities around. This includes time for each other. Plan a 15-minute phone conversation every afternoon. At first it may seem pathetic that you have to arrange this kind of thing, but it’ll give you both something to look forward to – a constant, which will be hard to come by these days.
7. Learn the Language – aka ‘Speak like a Lawyer’
Buy a copy of Merriam Webster’s Dictionary of Law. Each day, commit to memory one legal term. When your beleaguered spouse sloughs through the door at night, ask if she’d like her dinner in facie curiae or by herself. She’ll think it’s funny.
8 Show Some Interest – aka ‘Get Oriented’
Most law schools offer an orientation session for family members.
Frankly so do Gambling Anonymous, but we’re not sure if this is the way towards building a great relationship. Besides, if you’re beyond law school, what orientation sessions then? The boardroom drinks?
Bonus Tip: We’re Always Fighting
Yes, I know there are some loud mouth lawyer types out there who like to make themselves known. These are the ones that make all lawyers seem unbearably obnoxious. I promise we’re not all like that.
Thought Catalog
9. The Care Package – aka “Sucking up”
Suggested items include: 1 lb. gourmet coffee, 2 movie tickets, 1 Cross Morph pen,1 Power Bar, Listerine breath strips, 1 good-smelling candle, and 1 CD of Chopin’s Nocturnes. Instructions: Arrange items in box, write sweet note, leave on desk
Really?
10. Speak Up – aka “Ask leading questions”
When you feel neglected – and you will -take a deep breath and give the neglecter a break. But if it gets serious, voice your concern.
11. Join the Team – aka “Empathetic understanding”
Any relationship is based on good communication, right? So when you’re neglected, tell’em. Straight.
Lawyer or not, straight talking and honesty will always win the day. You’re not in Court when you’re in the kitchen or the bedroom. You’re in a relationship, so drop the jury-selection tactics and get on with the main event
So what are some of the questions people ask about dating an attorney?
Are there separate rules regarding dating a female lawyer?
Yes, to some extent. They have the same training but the female perspective is different to the extent that while they retain that ‘in the witness box’ style of chat, they also tend of exhibit great empathy and understanding.
They are also often more attuned to developing a romantic relationship than a male lawyer. Often they will be more familiar with using a dating site and therefore more attuned to building a romantic relationship with you.
How to deal with their argumentativeness
Sure, lawyers are trained to debate and argue. It goes with the territory. It’s the downside of working with the best lawyers.
They love to win and boast with their entire legal team about their courtroom successes, or deals done and delivered.
It’s one of the things you need to deal with if you’re going to handle having them spend their big money earnings on you. Plus, work on humanizing them a little.
Why can’t they listen more attentively?
An interesting one because a good successful lawyer will celebrate their ability to handle careful deliberation and conceal their strong feeling on a topic in the name of being professional.
They will listen, or appear to listen even if their body language does not display such an intent, but then simply push their views firmly down your throat. It’s teaching them to empathize (an attorney weak point) and fighting fire with fire: rationally exposing their arguments.
Lawyers love a resolution. Provide a resolution to the issue that they think is reasonable and fair, even if you have to make out it’s their idea.
I can’t debate like they can
Okay, so everything with a lawyer can be a debate, but that doesn’t mean you have to enter them. Sometimes you need them to work out their own issues without engaging with them.
They often turn to legalese in these off moments and you need to remind them that you’re not dating Perry Mason, but a real person. Keep your cool and remain rational. Most lawyers, good ones anyway, like rational argument.
Why do they always talk work?
It’s a problem . A trial lawyer can talk as if he or shell has just handled a six week defamation trial like Johnny Depp’s. You need a rule when out that you will not talk work. Simple.
Why won’t he/she be interested in what I do?
Lawyers tend to be passionate about their work, which means you should be passionate about yours.
This doesn’t need to be in a ‘my work’s more important than yours’ sort of way, but rather to demonstrate that you too are a person with a responsible job that requires expertise and attention.
They will respect that or, if they do not, they may not be the one for you. Just as lawyers will often have events and functions that you are required to attend, make sure that you also organize events and functions that they are required to, making them part of your life.
Do I need to know legalese?
No, you don’t, but it is a good idea to have at least a working knowledge of legal phrases. Check out the Merriam Webster dictionary or similar and become a little familiar with the terms of phrase so that you can work on an equal footing with your lawyer-date. They will respect the fact that you at least understand what they are saying even if your overriding rule is to avoid legal chat on dates.
