Were you a big fan of all things ZOMBIE?
Did Night of the Living Dead scare your pants off when you were a kid?
We’re talking the George Romero Classic, not the lackluster remakes, by the way. I’ll bet you watched so many movies and TV shows about the undead that the they began to not even scare you anymore, right?
Then the unthinkable happened, and the dead began to walk the earth. Zombie Apocalypse! How scary! Or not.
We didn’t wind up with the fast and nasty, zombie versions like there are on Resident Evil after the apocalypse. We wound up with a really slow version of a zombie, like in Night of the Living Dead, only slower. A lot slower.
They’re kind of dead, so they don’t move very fast. That’s reality for you. It’s never as good as your imagination. They were a little alarming to look at when they first came out, but now they’re just a stinky nuisance most of the time. Still, in big groups they can be kind of vicious.
I think that’s why so many personal injury lawyers moved to Atlanta – and zombies are a personal injury lawyer’s dream!
Let me explain. A lot of people came to Atlanta, including personal injury lawyers, because the CDC was supposed to be working on a cure. Last anyone heard from them was when they came out with a zombie repellant that didn’t work very well (wonder how they tested that out!).
At first the personal injury lawyers were kind of worried about losing dog bite cases because the zombies pretty much ate all the dogs. Then they started worrying about losing clients because the zombies would bite them and, well, you can’t sue a zombie. Clients were dropping like flies!
The next thing you know there were lots of people pulling a Shane (after Shane from the Walking Dead, natch!). That’s what it’s called when you’re with some jerk, and a herd of the undead are running after you–and the jerk trips you so that you fall–then they run off, so the zombies get you instead of them.
Now there’s something the lawyers could work with! Victims that made it away with injuries could hold the person that got them into that mess liable. Pain and suffering, injuries…..we’re talking about a huge settlement here if you could win your case! If you got bit by the undead during the skirmish,……well, your family is entitled to a big settlement.
Folks didn’t really pay anyone with money anymore, so when someone lost a court case they had to pay their dues by doing grocery runs in old abandoned stores. They had to grab thinks like toilet paper, hostess cupcakes, cans of soup and gasoline while dodging the living dead. How fitting. The punishment fit the crime. How long they had to do it depended on the settlement. They had to drop off all the goods to the lawyer and the victim when they were finished with their run for the day.
Here’s to hoping the CDC finally perfects that zombie repellant and finds a cure for the zombie flu. The army keeps saying that they are going to get things under control. They told us that when it first started happening, too. Maybe they will. Until then, hole yourself up, have eyes in the back of your head, and choose your partner VERY wisely.
Holly Chavez is a freelance author who still lives among the living in Atlanta, Georgia. She enjoys bags of Cheetos, cans of Coke, and a warm fire with no interruptions from zombies. If the Internet still worked in Atlanta, she would look up a personal injury lawyer if she was ever injured by a zombie through the fault of another. Look up Holly on g+ or twitter when the government gets the Internet working again.
Photo Credit 1: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pagedooley/3823292526/